My Journey
I’m a Father of 4 wonderful children, a Physician Assistant, lover of nature and I love helping people. For most of my life, I lived inside my thoughts, unaware that the constant chatter in my mind was fueling severe anxiety. It became my normal—so much so that I didn’t realize how deeply it affected me until I reached a point where I couldn’t see a way forward. Then, in 2020, near the brink of giving up my time on this Earth, I found the courage to meet with a counselor at my work. That moment changed everything.
Through 2 forty minute sessions, I began to see that my thoughts weren’t me. This realization was both liberating and disorienting, and it set me on a long, challenging (and most of the time, painful) journey of self-discovery and realization. This eventually involved meditation practice, yoga and what I call walking meditation.
I woke up the next morning after my second session, went to the gym like normal, and found myself in a completely different world. It felt like being high on a drug, but the high lasted, and lasted. People I had been working out next to were giving me fist-bumps and saying “Good morning.” Certainly something they nor I ever did. I went to work and everything was different there as well. My interactions with co-workers, patients and my job had a lightness and ease. This amazing, uplifted state lasted 3 weeks. I wasn’t living in thought. I wasn’t living in anxiety. I was just realizing how nice strangers were, the power of keeping my head up, a smile, as well as the beauty of day to day interactions. Except I didn’t have to try. It just was. Then after 3 weeks, as suddenly as it started, my thoughts went right back to were they were previously. Stuck in loops, anxiety and spiraling episodes. I felt like I was clawing to get back to that blissful state.
Then, two years into that journey in 2022, my life circumstances shifted significantly. My marriage, and family I had built with 4 beautiful children, fell apart. I was devastated. Rock bottom. But the journey went on and I kept looking at my patterns, hard truths and what led me to where I was.
But even after learning I wasn’t my thoughts, it took years to recognize that I had never truly lived in the now. There was a walk I took one day that changed everything and caused another shift in my perception of reality yet again. I felt the wind wrapping around my fingers. What the warmth of the sun felt like on my skin. What the birds sounded like. The rhythm of my breathing. It was a bright new world, full of beauty, and it had ALWAYS been there, but my perception didn’t allow me to see it.
My life had been consumed by the past and future, with the present moment slipping by unnoticed. Learning to live in the now has been the hardest and most rewarding effort I’ve ever made. Every day, I remind myself to stay present, to breathe, and to appreciate the life unfolding in real time. It’s not a perfect journey, but it’s an honest one—filled with intention, healing, and the beauty of being here, now.
I share my story because I know how isolating it can feel to be trapped in your mind. If this resonates with you, I hope it serves as a reminder: you are not alone, and the present moment is always waiting for you.
